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Disclaimers and Notes: Same as before. Yup yup. I aplogize for writing another multi-part story, but that's how it ended up being. ^_^;

When You're Evil and Dead
By: Sforzie

Chapter 24: Ghosts (FO: Part 3)

"Demon! You have no place here!" The oldest of the Genomes shouted.

"You don't know how right you are," Kuja said sourly.

"Granpa, I heard another demon call this one's name!" the little girl said, her tail swishing restlessly.

"We can destroy it if we know its name," another one of the Genomes said. They nodded in agreement. Kuja stomped her foot in annoyance.

"'It'?! I'm a 'she', you dolts!" She put her hands on her hips. "Besides, you can't destroy me. I'm here on official business."

"We'll see about that," the eldest Genome said, leading the group toward Kuja. He was holding a book.

"Kuja, is everything okay?" Kefka whispered. She nodded faintly. "Just let me know if you need any help!"

"Thank you," Kuja said softly. Kefka hummed, hopping up and sitting on the top arch of the altar.

"Don't thank us for anything, demon!"

"I wasn't thanking you, you idiots!" Kuja snapped back at them.

"She's talking to another demon!" the little girl whispered. Kuja rolled her eyes.

"Kefka may be strange, but he's no demon." Kefka giggled from up on his perch.

"Tell us, Essa, what is this demon's name?" the Genome holding the book said, pointing at Kuja.

"Kuja!" the little girl spat. The group that had assembled murmured excitedly.

"Apparently they don't get to play with demons everyday," Kefka said dryly. Kuja smirked lightly, watching with amusement as the Genomes got into a line.

“We shall destroy thee, demon!” the Genome opened the book and flipped through the pages. “Now where is that incantation…”

"Which incantation?” Kuja wondered.

“The demon destroying incantation, demon!”

She sweatdropped. “Try page…139.”

“Bah, it’s not on page 139!” the elder hissed at her. The other Genome flipped through the pages.

“Ah, sir? It’s on page 139.”

The elder turned back to Kuja in surprise. “How did you know that?!”

“Lucky guess,” she smirked. The Genome snorted in annoyance.

“Never mind that! We shall destroy you now!”

“Can you make it quick? I’ve got things to do.”

The elder narrowed his eyes at her. “You won’t be doing anything once we’re done with you!”

“Yeah, you might die of boredom, or something like that,” Kefka giggled. Kuja muffled a snicker.

“We shall begin!”

The Genome holding the book read out the incantation, and the other Genomes echoed it back. Kuja stood with her arms crossed, looking mildly bored.

After reading the incantation, the group looked at her.

“It didn’t work,” one of the Genomes whispered.

“Try it again!”


They read the incantation again, and then several times more for good measure.

Kuja rolled her eyes as the group looked at her again.

“Elder, it’s not working!” one of the Genomes whispered. “What are we gonna do?”

“Shut up!” the elder snapped.

“I’m scared!” Essa wailed.

“You don’t have enough intelligence to be scared!” Kuja snapped.

“Quiet, demon!”

Kuja sighed as they started the incantation again. "Are you going to quit doing that soon? I'm about to get upset and blow something up."

“We will do it as many times as it takes!”

“I’d like to do it as many times as it takes too,” Kefka giggled loudly. Kuja sweatdropped.

The Genomes read through the incantation another two or three times, clearly perplexed that the spell wasn’t working.

“You foul demon, why do you not be destroyed?!”

“Because I don’t have to!” She growled, visibly beginning to lose her temper. "And why do you keep calling me a demon?! I may be dead, but I'm no demon!"

"Oh, but you must be, for you look just like Soul Destroyer!" the elder said. The others nodded in agreement. "In fact, you are the closest representation of that terrible demon that we have seen in many generations!"

Kuja gritted her teeth. "I'm not just a representation, I'm the real deal!"

"You can't be!" the elder shook his head.

"What? Why not?!"

"Well, because the Soul Destroyer was male, you see..." The elder stepped back in alarm as Kuja growled loudly and pulled back a fist.

"Flar--!" she stopped in mid-cast, her arm being held back by Kefka, who had jumped down from his perch on the altar.

"Kuja-doll, you can't blow them up yet, we don't know where to find that guy!"

She sighed heavily. "Yeah, you're right.."

"You see, children? This demon's wrath has been stopped by the hand of god!"

"No, it was just Kefka's hand," Kuja snapped at him. "Idiots..."

"Close enough though, uwee hee..."

She turned to Kefka. "Well, what am I supposed to do?"

"Uh, ask nicely?"

"Like they're really going to just tell me," Kuja sighed. "They thinking I'm a fucking demon."

"Who is she talking to?" one of the other Genomes wondered.

"Not only is she a demon, but she's crazy too!" another shouted.

"The evil must have driven her mad! We must destroy her!" yet another Genome from the group added.

Kuja whipped back around to face them. "Will you all just shut up?!"

The group fell silent.

"Now listen, you pathetic excuses for Genomes," Kuja growled. "Where can I find your leader? This.."

"Annel Torvel," Kefka supplied.

"...Annel Torvel guy?"

The elder swallowed nervously. "Ah, well, he isn't here."

"Then where is he?!"

"He's gone to Lindblum on very important business," the elder said.

"I'll bet it's important," Kuja snapped, turning back to Kefka. "Come on, we've gotta go! That idiot's already went to Lindblum!" She shoved past the group and started for the exit.

"Right behind you!" Kefka giggled, hopping through the crowd.

"How odd..." the elder murmured as the group watched Kuja depart. She paused at the door.

"Oh, and one last thing," Kuja added, pointing at the altar.

"What's that?"

The last thing most of the Genomes there heard was the 'demon' angrily shouting "Flarestar!" The subsequent explosion took out the altar, the little church, and much of the surrounding neighborhood.

 “Serves you right for calling me a demon, you stupid pathetic fuzzy tailed bast--!!” Kuja’s ranting was cut off with a yelp as Kefka dragged her away from where the chapel had been.

“Now, now, Kuja-doll, it’s nothing to be upset about!” Kefka giggled as Kuja wrenched herself free from his grip.

“I’m not upset!” she snapped, stalking toward the closest exit of the city. They switched back to invisibility with a pair of shimmers.

"Uwee hee hee!" Kefka said cheerfully as he hopped alongside Kuja. “It was a nice explosion though!”

She sweatdropped. “I sorta lost my temper, didn’t I?”

“A little bit,” he giggled. “But I thought it was cute.”

“You would.”

“Yep!” he hopped again.

She flushed a bit as they made their way out of the city. “We need to get to Lindblum before that Torvel guy does anything stupid.”

“You mean like killing the regent?”

“No, I mean like tap dancing through the business district,” she said sarcastically.

He blinked. “Why would he want to do that?”

“If this guy is crazy enough to want to kill the regent and start a war, then he just might be crazy enough to do that too.”

“Oh…” Kefka looked puzzled, but continued to follow her.


The sun began to set as they made their way to Lindblum by foot.

“Ooooh, isn’t the sunset romaaaantic?” Kefka giggled, hopping alongside Kuja in his usual show of boundless energy.

“You’ll look for any excuse to get in my skirt, won’t you?” she sighed lightly.

“Uh huh!” he nodded vigorously. “There’s no point in trying otherwise…”

She arched a brow. “What would you do if I ever actually consented to doing…that?”

“I’d probably die from happiness,” he said with a grin.

“You’re already dead, Kefka.”

“Uwee, I know!” he giggled, clasping his hands together at the notion.

“You’d probably have a seizure or something,” Kuja said with a laugh.

“Something like that!” Kefka hopped a few times. “Was that invitation, Kuja-doll?”

She paused, barely able to repress the urge to deck him. “No, it was not!”

“Just checking!” he giggled. Leaning toward her, he whispered. “After all, you know what they say about men with big wings…”

Kuja moved her arm to strike him, but stopped, looking up at the darkening sky.

“Did you hear that?”

He tilted his head. “Hear what?”

Not far away a loud monster-ish roar sounded.


The ground in front of them exploded as a large blast of lightning struck it. They managed to duck away, but Kuja tripped in the process and hit the ground hard.

“What’s that?!” Kefka shouted as he helped Kuja to her feet. A massive green form landed in front of them.

“A Grand Dragon,” she said, rubbing her wrist and wincing.

The dragon looked down at them and let out a menacing growl.

“How does it see us?” Kefka wondered. “We’re not supposed to be visible!”

“Monsters don’t follow quite the same rules as people do,” Kuja said.

“What do you think we should do?”

“Running seems like a really good idea,” she said as the Grand Dragon cast Thundaga on them again. The electricity hit them both, throwing them to the ground.

“Kuja!” Kefka managed to get back to his feet and darted over to where she had fallen. “Are you alright?”

“Damn…” she groaned in response.

“C’mon, lets get away from this damn monster,” Kefka said as the dragon became to charge for another attack.

“If I can just hit it…” Kuja stumbled to her feet.

She cast Flarestar on the Grand Dragon. It stunned the monster for a moment before it retaliated with Thundaga. She hit the ground hard.

“Kuja-doll!” Kefka ran over to her. He gave her a light shake, but there was no response. He looked back over his shoulder as the dragon roared. “Uh-oh…”

Just as the dragon was about to attack again, a bright bolt of red and pink light streaked down from the dusky sky and struck the monster in the back. The Grand Dragon collapsed with a loud roar, its eyes still wide from the shock of the deadly blow.

The light coalesced into a form that hopped off of the monster’s back. The light faded further as the figure approached, revealing a more familiar form.

“You guys really need to be more careful wandering out here.”


end chapter 24