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Disclaimers and Notes: Same as before. Yup yup.

When You're Evil and Dead
By: Sforzie

Chapter 23: Demons (Family Obligations, part 2)

They sat under a street lamp a little while later, Kuja carefully scrutinizing the papers she'd been given.

"Based on this, we're supposed to head to Alexandria, where the people who plan on killing the regent of Lindblum are currently gathering."

Kefka was hopping around boredly. "And then what?"

"And then them from killing the regent."

He paused, leaning over her shoulder. "Do those papers specify how we're supposed to stop them?"

"Um..." Kuja rustled through the papers. "No, not really. This is mostly a recent history of Gaia."

"How useful," Kefka sighed, sitting down next to her on the cobbled street. "So, are we supposed to kill these people that want to kill that regent guy, or are we just supposed to scare them shitless, or what?"

"Whatever works, I guess."

"Do they at least tell us where to find these Genomes?"

She glanced at the papers again. "Yes."

"Well, that's something..." Kefka looked around. "Just where is Alexandria, anyways?"

"Last time I was here it was southeast of here, on another continent."

"Splendid. How do we get there?"

Kuja chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "Walk, I guess. Or float. Or whatever ghosts do."


Dawn was breaking when they reached the southern coast of the Outer Continent. What had once been an abandoned beach, good only for chocobo treasure hunting, was now a touristy little resort spot. Kuja had managed--barely--to keep Kefka from running off to harass people.

"So Alexandria's that way?" he pointed indiscriminantly toward the ocean.

"Somewhere over there."

A pause, then: "How the heck do we get there?"

She sweatdropped. "I don't know! Why don't you think of something?"

He tilted his head and gestured mildly toward his back. "We could fly."

"I'm not letting you carry me for that long."

He snapped his fingers. "Darn." Kefka looked up at the sky. "What, you're afraid I'll drop you?"

"You dropping me isn't really high on my list of worries..."

Kefka blinked a few times before looking back down at her. "Uwee hee, aw, c'mon! You know you like the groping!"

"It's an absolute ball." Kuja toed the sand.

"Oh, come on!" Kefka clasped his gloved hands together and gave her a pleading look. "Pleeeeease?"

She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "Can't we just sneak on a boat or something?"

"Or something?" Kefka hopped in place, hands still clasped. "That could take a long time, Kuja! Whereas I am ready to pop out the big ugly wings at a moment's notice!"

She tilted her head. "I like your wings."

"I know, but for me they're just a constant reminder of my failures." He hopped again. "Pleeease? Come on, let me carry you!"

Kuja muffled a laugh with her hand. "You're whining."

"I knoooow."

She looked up and down the beach, then out at the ocean, and finally back at Kefka. "Well..."

He gave his best insanely cute pleading look.

Kuja sighed lightly, a smile curling the corner of her lips. "Alright. But if you so much as even try to grope me, I'm gonna pluck you feather by feather."

"Ooooh, torturous!"


"I'll be good, I promise!" Kefka giggled. "I'll save the groping for when we're on land."

She sweatdroppped again. "Fabulous."

He tossed back his cloak, wings mysteriously unfurling. "Shall we?"

She glanced along the beach again before shrugging. "What the hell..."

"Uwee hee!" With only a giggle of warning, Kefka hopped forward and knocked Kuja back, scooping her up into his arms.

"Ack! Kefka!"

"I'm not groping!" he giggled, teetering a bit as he regained his balance.

"Are you sure you can handle this?"

"Sure I'm sure! I was a god!"

"That's reassuring..."

"Uwee hee, I thought so too."

With a bit of a hop, Kefka managed to get airborne. They were lucky to be dead, of course, as he ran through a few trees before evening out and heading in the direction of the Mist continent.

"Uh..." Kuja tilted her head, watching as the ocean passed underneath them. Where was a silver dragon when she needed it? "When was the last time you actually flew, Kefka?"

"Lets see..." he hummed, long blonde ponytail fluttering behind him. "Probably right before I died. Why?"

"I suppose its a good thing we're already dead," Kuja said with a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Uwee hee, don't worry! I won't drop you!" He tilted his head. "Or grope you!"

"Great..." She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned against him. "I think I'm gonna be airsick."

"Awww, poor Kuja-doll," Kefka giggled. "Just don't get sick on me, uwee hee hee!"

"Dear me, I'll try to be more considerate," she muttered sarcastically into his chest. Kefka perked and giggled a few times, but made an attempt to jostle her less.

"Don't worry, it can't be too far there..."


"Uwee hee, wake up, Kuja-doll!" Kefka giggled, giving her a shake. "We've arrived!"

She blinked, opening her eyes and sitting up with a groan. "What? Already?"

"You kinda fell asleep," he giggled, turning back to face her.

"Where are we?"

"I think we're near Alexandria," he said, pointing over his shoulder. Kefka had already put his wings away. "At least, it looks like you described. Waterfalls and a giant sword."

"That would be the place, I hope," Kuja said as she got to her feet. They were up on one of the mountains that surrounded the castle town. She stepped around him and looked to where he'd pointed. Alexandria Castle looked much the same, although the town surrounding it had sprawled to the feet of the surrounding mountains.

"So is that it?" Kefka asked eagerly. She nodded.

"Yep. Same old Alexandria."

"So where down there are we supposed to go?"

She pulled out the mission papers again. "According to this, the leader of this little murderous group is named Annel Torvel. We should be able to find him in a little church on the south side of the castle town."


She shrugged. "I guess we'll find out."

With a flex of her knees, Kuja started to hop her way down the rocky mountainside.

"Ooh, uwee hee, I could watch that all day!"

She paused about fifty yards below him. "Kefka, come on!"

"Coming!" He tilted his head and giggled madly at his own word, then started to make his way down after her.


Alexandria hadn't changed much once you got down into the city. It was still the same quaint little hick castle town as five millenia before, just...bigger.

"Well, this is the place," Kuja said. She and Kefka were on the roof of their destination, perched crouching like a pair of gaudy gargoyles. Kefka peered down into the street below.

"There aren't many people around," he said slowly. "But... there do seem to be a lot of Genomes here too."

"I noticed."

"Do you think its safe to make ourselves visible?" Kefka wondered.

"Well, it's not like anyone can hurt us, right?"

"As far as I know."

"We'd just get sent back to hell anyways," Kuja said. Kefka nodded in agreement, pushing himself up to his feet.

"And then we'd just get sent back here because we haven't finished your little task."

She snorted. "Little. Right." She brushed off her boots as she stood. "Let's just find that Torvel guy and get this over with."


They hopped down from the roof of the little chapel, landing on the cobbled street below. After checking to make sure that they weren't being watched, Kuja and Kefka shifted into visibility with a shimmer. Kuja used the added benefit of being more physically present to open the door and let themselves inside. (Walking through things wasn't as fun as it looked.)

She kicked the door shut behind Kefka and looked around.

"Nobody's home," Kefka noted as he made his way along the aisle that ran between several isles of benches. The chapel was fairly plain, most of the decorated being gathered at an arched altar at the end of the aisle.

"Seems that way," Kuja said, getting about halfway down the aisle before stopping. They both turned as the door behind them opened.

"Demon, be gone!" they heard a cry from a little girl that stepped through the door. Kuja made a noise of surprise as the little blonde Genome appeared at the far end of the chapel. Apparently they hadn't been as unobserved as they'd thought. She ran at full speed, stabbing a small dagger into the exposed skin above Kuja's boot.

Kuja winced, feeling a tiny prick of pain. Then she looked down with a laugh as tlonde Genome appeared at the far end of the chapel. Apparently they hadn't been as unobserved as they'd thought. She ran at full speed, stabbing a small dagger into the exposed skin above Kuja's boot.

Kuja winced, feeling a tiny prick of pain. Then she looked down with a laugh as the little girl pulled the blade loose.

"Be gone!" the little girl shouted. Kuja laughed again, looking a bit unnerved.

"Kuja, what's wrong?" Kefka hopped up behind her.

"Look!" Kuja snatched the dagger from the little girl and stabbed it through her free palm. The blade cut through cleanly, leaving no visible marks. "It doesn't even hurt!"

"Uwee hee, that's because we're dead, silly," Kefka giggled as Kuja curiously stabbed herself in the arm.

There was a thunk in front of them as the little girl fainted. Kefka snickered. Kuja quickly lost interest in the game of unsucessful self-mutilation and tossed the dagger aside.

"I wonder why she called me a demon..." Kuja said, peering down at the little girl. She had blonde hair and a creme colored tail. Kuja was vaguely reminded of what Zidane had looked like when he was little, but shook her head.

Kefka had turned away again. "Maybe it's because of this?" He pointed at the small altar at the far end of the room. Ignoring the little girl, Kuja and Kefka moved to get a better look at it.

"'The Soul Destroyer' and 'The Soul Restorer'?" Kuja read the words on the altar.

"That little figure looks kinda like you, Kuja-doll," Kefka noted with a giggle.

"And the other one looks like Zidane..." Kuja tilted her head and frowned. She ran her finger along a long line of text that stretched across the altar. "Kefka, this is all written in Terran."

"So?" he was peering at the little figure with violet colored hair.

"Well, I find it hard to believe that the Genomes would still know Terran after five thousand years. Especially since they were barely taught Terran anyways."

"They were taught...uh...Gaian?"

Kuja nodded, looking at the little figures, and then back at the text. "I had to learn Terran in order to properly control the Invincible and...lots of other things."

Kefka peered at the lettering. "What the heck does it say?"

"Si renkan kuja mavato ek moreot si danet tan sit kassal, qual si dane zida morata nu. Si renkan kuja vam mavo ek zona paora si dane tanet corva vailo nai, pa mos shant des moreota." She frowned.

"Sounds nice when you say it..." Kefka pursed his lips. "But a translation, please?"

Kuja sighed, shaking her head slightly. "The fallen angel tried to destroy the souls of this world, but the soul restorer stopped him. The fallen angel will try to return through the soul of a violet haired one, so all must be destroyed."

He noted where he finger stopped. "You only read half of it."

"It doesn't get much better," Kuja frowned, looked up at the altar.

"I thought I heard you and Zidane's names in there the first time..."

"Garland wasn't creative in his naming," Kuja sighed. "My name means 'angel' in Terran, and Zidane's is respelling of 'si dane'--'the soul'..."

"At least he gave you nice names."

Kuja burst out laughing at this. Kefka blinked.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just... nothing," Kuja's shoulders shook as she stared down, rubbing her eyes.

"Oh, come on," Kefka hopped a bit. "You can tell me!"

"Well... Tribal means 'death' in Terran... I really was supposed to be his 'Angel of Death'..." Kuja shook her head again, still laughing faintly.

"You okay, doll?" Kefka touched her shoulder, but she shrugged his hand away.

"See! There's the demon! I told you!" They turned in unison at hearing the shrill shriek of the little Genome girl. Kuja cursed under her breath, realizing that she hadn't made herself invisible again, while Kefka had. The little girl wasn't alone. She had several older Genomes with her now. They were all blonde, Kuja noted with a cringe.

"Demon! You have no place here!" The oldest of the Genomes shouted.

"You don't know how right you are," Kuja said sourly.


end chapter 23