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The Boys
(Or, the reason why this page exists... Mini-profiles, done in my own warped fashion. 
Please note that some details in these bios are purely the conjecture of the authors.)

 
Final Fantasy III/VI

Age: Somewhere in his 30s
Height: Medium-shortish. Around 5'7" or so.
Evil Deeds: Bitching a lot and acting like a general tart, poisoning Doma, killing Espers, killing Leo, killing the Emperor, knocking the world out of balance and nearly destroying it, smiting towns, and generally just trying to kill everyone...the laugh and fashion sense probably go here too. ^^
Likes: Swearing, magic, killing, laughing psychotically, stealing candy from babies, and upgrading his Magitech armor.
Hates: Moogles, heroes, idiots, dying, and brussel sprouts.
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Pistachio with cookie dough and chocolate swirls. :P
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: the Figaro Shotgun-in-the-Mouth special.* 
Favorite Color Chocobo: Red
Other notes: Kefka is crazy. But you knew that. What's interesting to see is just how much of a potty mouth Kefka was in the original version of the game. The official English version has Kefka, well, spazzing a lot, but saying things like 'pinhead' instead of swearing. (I have to admit, the non-swearing version is cuter.) During most of the first few scenes Cefca (the Japanese spelling) appears in, he swears in almost every line. But...he's the bad guy, so that's alright. He's still probably the most purely evil and wicked villain to cross the FF series, and we love him for it. 

*This drink came from the When You're Evil and Dead series. To quote that, this drink is made from: "Something in an unmarked bottle, a little bit of vodka, a little bit of rum, some tequila, a little more vodka, a pinch of garlic, some blue food coloring, and some liquid drain cleaner."
Best drunk when you're already dead. Or a god.

Final Fantasy VII

Age: Somewhere in his 20s
Height: Tall. About 6'1" or 6'2".
Evil Deeds: Not dying like a good little boy when he should've, burning down a town, killing old man Shinra and some other people, manipulating Cloud and harassing the group frequently, sorta stealing the Black Materia, killing some more people, and summoning Meteor with the hopes of...um...gaining more power and becoming a god. Or something. Oh yeah, and he killed Aeris.
Likes: Swords, shiny things, his Masa-chan, leather, and volumizing deep conditioner.
Hates: Split ends, blondes, Cloud, being lied to, and those rabid fangirls (and guys) who keep trying to slash him with Cloud.
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Rocky Road
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Whatever's available. He has a tendency to be a lush.
Favorite Color Chocobo: Sea foam green
Other notes: The sexy badass, Sephiroth is the tallest and likes to refer to himself as "the man" around the boys. Which he is, of course. Even though I've played the game twice, Sephiroth's story still confuses me a bit, just because it's so...twisty. Twisty, but intriguing. Why is Sephiroth one of my favorite FF bad boys? Well, he just is. Might have something to do with the leather and sword and pretty hair, and the fact that he's damn sexy in Kingdom Hearts. ::drool:: Ahem. I find his character a bit hard to write.

Final Fantasy IX

Age: 24 (possibly the youngest of all the major FF villains so far?)
Height: Tall-ish. About 5'11".
Evil Deeds: Supplying the ugly queen with supplies and fueling her greed so she'd start a war, stealing Eidolons, killing people, crotching Dagger, making sure most cities on Gaia had property damage, trying to kill his little brother and said brother's friends, kicking his creator off a cliff, blowing his home planet to toasty bits, and nearly turning good at the end. Also, confusing countless thousands of FF-players, some who still think he's a girl.
Likes: Eye shadow, theatre, magic, and dancing to pop music when no one's around to watch.
Hates: Sunburns, tail pullers, Zidane, getting bossed around, and having to do laundry.
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Ben & Jerry's Phish Food
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Double Bloody Moogle (with extra cinnamon)
Favorite Color Chocobo: White
Other notes: (Firstly, I don't know if Tribal is Kuja's last name. I don't know if he has a last name. But I started calling him Kuja Tribal, and I'm gonna stick with that until I find reason not to. :P)
 I think part of the reason I'm obsessed with Kuja is the fact that he is both mature and immature at the same time. He is beautiful and powerful, and acts like he is in control of everything around him. In reality, this is a front to hide his insecurities and desperate need to maintain his own sense of self. Kuja seems mature on the surface, but when he's tired or injured, he gets cranky, and his innate childishness springs to the surface. Kuja is emplaced with the responsibilities of an adult, but inside part of him has never grown up. He was accidentally given a strong will upon his creation, but I don't think he was evil to begin with, but rather, his wickedness has grown from his spite and need to prove himself.
Ahem...I could go on about Kuja for more than just a paragraph. But you probably don't want to read that. ^^;