(Or, the reason why this page exists... Mini-profiles, done in my own
Please note that some details in these bios are purely
the conjecture of the authors.)
Final Fantasy III/VI
Age: Somewhere in his 30s
Height: Medium-shortish. Around 5'7" or so.
Evil Deeds: Bitching a lot and acting like a general tart,
poisoning Doma, killing Espers, killing Leo, killing the Emperor, knocking
the world out of balance and nearly destroying it, smiting towns, and
generally just trying to kill everyone...the laugh and fashion sense
probably go here too. ^^
Likes: Swearing, magic, killing, laughing psychotically, stealing
candy from babies, and upgrading his Magitech armor.
Hates: Moogles, heroes, idiots, dying, and brussel sprouts.
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Pistachio with cookie dough and chocolate
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: the Figaro Shotgun-in-the-Mouth
Favorite Color Chocobo: Red
Other notes: Kefka is crazy. But you knew that. What's interesting
to see is just how much of a potty mouth Kefka was in the original version
of the game. The official English version has Kefka, well, spazzing a lot,
but saying things like 'pinhead' instead of swearing. (I have to admit,
the non-swearing version is cuter.) During most of the first few scenes
Cefca (the Japanese spelling) appears in, he swears in almost every line.
But...he's the bad guy, so that's alright. He's still probably the most
purely evil and wicked villain to cross the FF series, and we love him for
*This drink came from the When You're
Evil and Dead series. To quote that, this drink is made from:
"Something in an unmarked bottle, a little bit of vodka, a little bit
of rum, some tequila, a little more vodka, a pinch of garlic, some blue
food coloring, and some liquid drain cleaner."
Best drunk when you're already dead. Or a god.
Final Fantasy VII
Age: Somewhere in his 20s
Height: Tall. About 6'1" or 6'2".
Evil Deeds: Not dying like a good little boy when he should've,
burning down a town, killing old man Shinra and some other people,
manipulating Cloud and harassing the group frequently, sorta stealing the
Black Materia, killing some more people, and summoning Meteor with the
hopes of...um...gaining more power and becoming a god. Or something. Oh
yeah, and he killed Aeris.
Likes: Swords, shiny things, his Masa-chan, leather, and volumizing
Hates: Split ends, blondes, Cloud, being lied to, and those rabid
fangirls (and guys) who keep trying to slash him with Cloud.
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Rocky Road
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Whatever's available. He has a
tendency to be a lush.
Favorite Color Chocobo: Sea foam green
Other notes: The sexy badass, Sephiroth is the tallest and likes to
refer to himself as "the man" around the boys. Which he is, of
course. Even though I've played the game twice, Sephiroth's story still
confuses me a bit, just because it's so...twisty. Twisty, but intriguing.
Why is Sephiroth one of my favorite FF bad boys? Well, he just is. Might
have something to do with the leather and sword and pretty hair, and the
fact that he's damn sexy in Kingdom Hearts. ::drool:: Ahem. I find
his character a bit hard to write.
Final Fantasy IX
Age: 24 (possibly the youngest of all the major FF
villains so far?)
Height: Tall-ish. About 5'11".
Evil Deeds: Supplying the ugly queen with supplies and
fueling her greed so she'd start a war, stealing Eidolons, killing people,
crotching Dagger, making sure most cities on Gaia had property damage,
trying to kill his little brother and said brother's friends, kicking his
creator off a cliff, blowing his home planet to toasty bits, and nearly
turning good at the end. Also, confusing countless thousands of
FF-players, some who still think he's a girl.
Likes: Eye shadow, theatre, magic, and dancing to pop music when no
one's around to watch.
Hates: Sunburns, tail pullers, Zidane, getting bossed around, and
having to do laundry.
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Ben & Jerry's Phish Food
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Double Bloody Moogle (with extra
Favorite Color Chocobo: White
Other notes: (Firstly, I don't know if Tribal is Kuja's last name. I
don't know if he has a last name. But I started calling him Kuja Tribal,
and I'm gonna stick with that until I find reason not to. :P)
I think part of the reason I'm obsessed with Kuja is the
fact that he is both mature and immature at the same time. He is beautiful
and powerful, and acts like he is in control of everything around him. In
reality, this is a front to hide his insecurities and desperate need to
maintain his own sense of self. Kuja seems mature on the surface, but when
he's tired or injured, he gets cranky, and his innate childishness springs
to the surface. Kuja is emplaced with the responsibilities of an adult,
but inside part of him has never grown up. He was accidentally
given a strong will upon his creation, but I don't think he was evil to
begin with, but rather, his wickedness has grown from his spite and need
to prove himself.
Ahem...I could go on about Kuja for more than just a paragraph. But you
probably don't want to read that. ^^;
Profiles written by Sforzie (in 2003), with help
from teh Molly.
Not to be redistributed elsewhere without permission. Or something.